This month my husband and I will be celebrating our first year as a married couple. Infact 2017 was quite the standout year for us. We got married, moved into our first house and had our first child together. This year has been a crazy mix of emotions (no thanks to my pregnancy hormones) but looking back I’ve never been more sure of anything else in my life.
The first year married is kind of like your first year in highschool. While it seems like a familiar thing it’s a totally new experience. You’re excited and scared at the same time; everything feels like a first again. This whole year has been more first added to our growing list.
To understand where I’m coming from, let me give you guys some background information. Kyle and I started dating in 2011 and our relationship wasn’t perfect but we worked through the difficult times. When the topic of marriage was brought up Kyle would always say the same thing “it’s just a piece of paper”. So after a while I kind of gave up and decided to just let things run its course. Kyle had always been there for me, even at my darkest time (my grandmother passing). He held my hand and cried with me; marriage or not I knew he was in it for the long run. So when he got down on one knee a year later I was completely taken by surprise. Having Kyle propose changed everything.
Suddenly my biological clock started ticking very loudly. A couple months after our engagement we started trying for a family. Everything seemed to be happening so fast. Before I knew it we were at the courthouse saying I do. It wasn’t the wedding I keeped pinning on Pinterest but there was so much love in the room. I was finally Mrs. Lewandowski and I felt like I was on top of the world. I was also three months pregnant.
I’m sure being 24 with a pregnant wife was stressful for Kyle but he rarely showed it. He dealt with my mood swings, held my hair back while I was getting sick and even provided a house for our growing family. I know I wasn’t easy to deal with but he handled everything I threw at him well. Having all these new changes in my life started to take a toll on me and I started showing my stress.
Because of the pregnancy, I was going through–to put it bluntly–my own shit. I feel like after we were married there were these pressures to be the perfect wife. I was getting very insecure about myself (especially my changing body). I began to project insecurities on to my husband and started expecting nothing but perfection out of him.
There were times when he let me down and I was devastated. I would question whether or not he was ready for a big commitment like marriage. But again, this was just me questioning myself. Like every normal couple we had our first married fight. I’ll admit it was my fault and when I fell short of that standard it hit me hard. I realised that as his wife I had to try harder; I had to really understand his point of view. Then the baby came.
Seeing my husband holding our son for the first time, it was like falling in love all over again. He took to father hood like a duck to water. While I would panic hearing James cry, Kyle knew exactly what to do. He has been the best dad I could ever hope him to be. Him being a great dad challenged me to be a great mom. Sometimes that was harder than it seemed.
Dealing with postpartum depression has taken a toll on my marriage. It creates problems where there are non, planting seeds of doubt inside my mind. I know that on my bad days my husband is stressed out trying to make me happy. But the bottom line is, even with medication, nothing but time can heal PPD (postpartum depression). As a couple we just have to ride it out; just like any other hurdle we’ve come a cross. My husband does try. When he sees me having a bad day he offers to pick up diner, or tells me to take a longer shower. I can see his worried face and while it does hurts me, I know we will overcome this. PPD has been the biggest problem in our first year of marriage. However I think if we take it one day at a time we will make it. We’ve come so far in our one year I don’t see it getting the best of us.
Besides PPD not working has definitely been hard for me as well. Throughout our relationship I’ve always helped out with the bills. Once the baby came I became a stay at home mom and I felt like I wasn’t contributing. Don’t get me wrong I love that I get to be the one to raise our son but I don’t feel good about not being able to help out. It was especially felt when christmas came around. It hurt my ego a little not being able to buy my husband and son christmas gifts. But that’s what a marriage is; marriage is setting your pride aside and realise that it’s not all about you but the team.
My advice for any couples going through their first year is to remember why you got married in the first place. Remember the love and confidence you both had going into it. Times will get bad but when you’re in it for the long haul you’re bound to have arguments. Work through the fights and understand each others point of view. If money is tight make your connection even tighter. Become each other’s best friend because you’re going to have lonely nights. Becoming Kyle’s wife was an amazing milestone and I can’t wait to see what the next year has in store for us.